I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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