i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
