Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
