Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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