Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
