I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
