he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
