I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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