my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
