My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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