Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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