so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
