One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
