omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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