So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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