you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
