Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
