I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
