Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I want to be your penis for a week.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
