my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
