You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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