he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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