i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
