Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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