So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
