If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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