I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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