Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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