3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
