ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
