WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
