YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
