Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His nipple licking is glorious
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