wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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