I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
