That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
