barbara walters just said penis...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
