Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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