i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
