Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
