Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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