this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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