Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
