He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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