just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
