so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
