Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
