So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
