she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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