I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
