I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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