my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
