Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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