He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
