apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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