just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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