Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
