That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
