whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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