Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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