dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
