So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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