I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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