I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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