Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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