Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
