we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
