just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
