ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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