Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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