I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
