The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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