So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
