I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am mentally ready for anal.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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